I quit drinking in January. Yeah, just for the month. I’m not an idiot. People have been so impressed. That’s when I realized it’s like having a really dumb super power. 

I’m trying to jump start my “getting into shape” era. Not really. I’m trying to get out of my current shape. I’m turning over a new leaf with dumb expressions like that one. Truth is, I really wanted to lie to myself that I’m in control.

Three weeks in I noticed some big changes. I would wake up in the morning with full knowledge of where I was. I was no longer a detective trying to figure out where my car was by reverse engineering an Uber ride, just hoping I didn’t drive to an apartment I lived in three years ago. Now in the morning when I wake up, both eyes open at the same speed. I’m surrounded by pillows and blankets and no food.

Yeah, it’s very boring out here.